‘Twas two days before Towel Day

Twas two days before Towel Day, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The towels were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Ford or Zaphod, soon would be there.

The hoopys were nestled all snug in their towels,
While peanuts and beer, shared with laughter and howls.
And Trillian in her fromple, and Marvin with a cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long evening nap.

In the Primary Phase there arose such a clatter,
The Earth got blown up, as if it didn’t matter.
Away to the window Arthur flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

They destroyed his house, his planet and so
Arthur and Ford hitched a ride like two bros
When, what to Arthur’s wondering eyes should appear,
A horrible green, slug-like, Vogons poetic sneer.

Out of the air lock, hug-less they got thrown
Yet Improbability said something, they should have known:
“Come forth, out of thin air, my ship with a heart of gold”
And save these poor bastards, truth be told.

“Hey hoopy cousin, what are you doing here?”
Asked Zaphod to Ford, nonchalant and without fear.
“Oh this and that, saved a human and such”
Replied Ford coolly, without revealing that much.

A quest for “The Ultimate Answer” was shortly started
With the Magratheans, a whale and petunias shortly parted.
Promises of fame, fortune and a cup of hot tea
Milliways and talking cows is what they would see.

And then, in the confusion, while Vogons attack
They had a séance which seemed rather whack.
“Go forth and find the Ruler of the Universe” he said
He saved them, split the pack even though he was dead.

A rainy shack, an old man, a cat and some fish
“Here puss-puss” he said while getting the cats dish
They asked him questions, to which he just shrugged no
After all, your perceptions shapes your world so.

Don’t forget, Gargevarr and his Total Perspective Vortex
Who plugged the universe into Zaphod’s cerebral cortex
His mind was supposed to be totally blown
But, alas, it showed him that nothing was more important than his own.

The Golgafrinchans, The Captain and Great Circling Poets of Arium, HAIL!
Who all played a part in this epic tale
Fenchurch, Hactar and Hotblack Desiato
In every direction, this story flowed.

The future, the past, the present and more
Never before, has the world read a story to gafaw
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
D N Adams gave us the best thing since bread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the paper, with words turned quirk
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a wink, to world-wide fame he rose!

Sadly, this Vogon poem stops with a whistle
Cup your ear with your hand to hear the light drizzle.
As McKenna drives past you on that quiet day
And you whip out your copy of The Guide, laughing all the way.

So grab your towel, on this great and awesome day
Salute the master of comedy, science and music I say
This legend will always be a part of my mind
I just wish he was here to witness his kind.


(Written by Zaptoid – 23/05/2013)

Mostly Harmless


What an insane week. I’ve had some good news, some bad news and even some news that didn’t really fit into any category.

New games, new anime, new series, new movies. How is one supposed to keep up? How does one review them? Where do you start?

I’ve been thinking of adding a couple of reviews to my little home on the web. From the latest books that I’ve read to the latest games I’ve played. Obviously Anime will be thrown in here and there. I’d really like to do this at some stage. The question that always bugs me is: How does one review a product in a way that it makes sense to the people who read it?

I find a lot of reviews tell you about the product. But they never really tell me the stuff I want to know. In the same breath, the stuff I want to know is not the same stuff the person on the street wants to know. Which brings us back to the question: How does one review a product in a way that it makes sense to the people who read it?

While a part of my brain ponders the concept, I’ll get started with some news and happenings in and around my life.

Things have been weird, these past couple of days. My father was admitted to hospital yesterday morning after suffering a light stroke. This, strangely enough, affected me a lot less than I originally thought it would. A father in a family is a very important role. I get that. People ask me why I’m not shocked or worried. The answer, simpletons, is easy. My father is healthy, he is strong and he is of my blood. This means that Death can take a walk and try again later.

I had a very important meeting slash presentation this week. I’ve been busy with the “ArtWork” server for a client and it’s been keeping me busy to the point where I can’t remember how sunlight looks. Sure, I see pictures of them on the interwebs all the time, but it just isn’t the same. Thursday past was the official demo. It was supposed to be next week but the Publishing Director insisted that it be Thursday. This didn’t suite me at all as my week was already fully booked. The client in question is my most important client so naturally; I cancelled everything else and organized the meeting for Thursday.

Thursday came and I woke up early to get to the client early. Before I continue, I need to explain that I am not a morning person. In fact, I hate waking up with such a passion that I’m pretty sure that there is a homicide in my future from getting woken up by the wrong person at the wrong time.

On the way to the client, I notice that traffic isn’t going anywhere. The time was 07h45. A truck that was carrying milk for Woolworths™ decided that he’d rather crash than do some work. Naturally they closed the highway to ensure that all the crap can be cleared. At 10h45 I finally got to the client. Stuck in traffic for 3 fucking hours!

At 08h00 I phoned the client to tell them I’m stuck in traffic and there’s fuck all I can do. The client told me that it’s all good and that when I get there, I should go straight to the boardroom and start the presentation. While I was setting up I noticed that the Publishing Director wasn’t there. When I asked about it I was told that the chap wasn’t coming in today. This fucked me because I specifically cancelled everything to be at this meeting.

The meeting went great, the Publishers were extremely happy with the new structured. This was awesome news as it meant that I could slap them with the bill.

I got back to the office, very happy as the bill for the client was a hefty one. I had a chat with my technicians and told them that we will close for the rest of the day. We might as well have a bit of a chilled afternoon if things are going well.

1km away from the office my car just died. It was the weirdest fucking thing. The radio would switch on and off. The car wouldn’t start. The hazards didn’t work. NOTHING! Just the radio would go on and off, as if the car was possessed. While I pondered the concept of where to get holy water to throw at my car and the best angle to mount to a cross, I came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t have started smoking the blunt when I left the office.

Incidentally; this was also the point where I realized that having a beautiful brain that doesn’t know anything about cars is a useless brain indeed. I phoned the office macky and told him to come have a look. 5 minutes later the issue was identified. Turns out, the battery acid was dripping onto a cable that was used for the electrical stuff in the car. The acid burned a whole into the cable in question. Replaced the cable and BOOM, all good.

Now I was slightly irritated. My car must work. It must not speak back. It doesn’t have a choice. I smoked the rest of the blunt on the way home while huff-puffing about idiot cars. I somehow have the feeling that I wouldn’t have been so irritated if I knew a little about cars and their engines. I hate not knowing.

20 minutes later I got home, still half huff-puffing. I checked the mail and every shitty feeling was lost. Right here, in my hands I had my Official Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy Appreciation Society membership package.
I flipped out, I laughed, I shouted, I kicked the dog , finally took a minute to relax and looked up at the night sky. I looked in the region of Betelguese, pointed my thumb at the sky and waited for 5 minutes. Realizing that there wasn’t any spaceships at that point to pick me up yet; I shouted “THANK YOU DNA!!” and stormed inside to open up the package.

I am a DNA fan. I wouldn’t even call myself a fan. I am a Hitchhiker who uses the Guide to help travel the Galaxy and beyond. I am a man of science and science fiction. Mr DN Adams is a true hero and a man who always knew where his towel was. I salute you, Master of the Total Perspective Vortex.

This post is already getting too long for my liking, so instead of raving about what I got, have a look:

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