There’s a distinct difference in how your brain processes thoughts on an empty vs. a full stomach.  There I was, trying to get my finance situation sorted out on the phone, in Mthatha(where I might add, people do NOT know how to drive. I mean sure, people moan about Jo’burg all the time but holy-shit-on-toast, Mthatha is just whack. There are hardly any lines on the roads, no traffic lights work and people just drive anywhere. I think that the previous two sentences are in the wrong part of the thread but what the hell, it’s cold, I’m far from home but I have a full stomach. Yes, I was stuck in Mthatha with a financial problem. Where was I going to sleep for the night? I don’t mind camping, but I do need a tent. Luckily, we live in the era of the electron & switch and an EFT later, I was sorted.

I arrive at the place, drop my stuff off in the room and confirm with the guys that the payment was too much; they’ll give me the difference in cash. Awesome. Odd thing, it’s been roughly 4 hours after the chap told me he would draw the money from the ATM, still haven’t seen or heard from the chap. I start to wonder whether this dude has pulled off the “Jo’burg swindle” on a Jo’burger. No wait.. that makes me sound like a burger. Fucked. Up. In Afrikaans it makes sense, but in English it sounds like a Steers Whacky Wednesday special.

While smoking and watching a little spider prepare for the night, I decide that it’s time to investigate the disappearing ATM guy. The lady tells me not to worry; they will check the statements in the morning and then sort me out. I have to admit, I was quite taken aback by this as the Standard Bank is 1.7km away. Hell, I could see it when I went for a walk. But, I smiled politely on the outside while the inner-cunt gave her the finger and inner-cunt-punched her.

I haven’t eaten at this point, the woman just told me I had to wait till morning for money (which belongs to me in the first place, why the fuck did she not get that?) with an empty stomach with nothing but cigarettes and inner-cunt-anger? It was at this point where I figured, what the hell, if my head was going to explode it might as well be directed at something. I could feel the anger building in my head, like a forest fire in dry season, aching to be unleashed at anything that moves. As I let the fury start killing all noise in my ears I saw her lips move. I frowned and wondered what possibly she could want at this point if I was preparing to give her the cunt-punt. With a couple of breaths I managed to subside the beating of my heart in my ears and started to focus on the soon-to-be-dead-nemesis.

“You’re more than welcome to have supper here, we’re serving somethingandsomething..” is as far as she got. She stopped talking and asked me if I was ok. I told her that I thought I was going to sneeze. This is what really went on in my head:

“……………………………………………………………………..”

It was like a switch in my head that had suddenly gone off. Quite numbly, I followed her to the dinner section and sat down. They brought me some really fucking awesome soup (might have been the hunger, I dunno, but holy shit, great fucking soup), then some beef stroganoff with carrots and baby marrows (who the fuck eats that shit, honestly). I had a glass of coke as a beverage and after I finished I came outside to have a smoke.

Sitting, smoking and just staring at the grass. It struck me; the whole stupid situation could have been avoided if I just paid attention. Then, it struck me even harder:

On an empty stomach, everything is fucked up.

The whole mood, the whole issue. Nothing mattered, everything was ok. What mattered more was that I learned something new about myself. I’m a rude schmuck. But a schmuck with a full stomach.